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Countriside or city?

The case for living in the countryside

Big city glamor? Balderdash. Try big city cost. If you want to live like a king (or at least be your own landlord), move to the country.

1. It's cheap. You have to actively try to spend more than $20 on a meal, even a good one. A movie still costs single digits. No one has a clue or cares what brand of clothing you're wearing, let alone whether your shoes, purse or belt are this year's season or last. And did I mention housing? You can live in a real house with multiple bedrooms, multiple bathrooms and a garage. Maybe even a pool. And you can own it for under $200,000. Yup, you read that right. I didn't leave off any zeros.

2. There's space – for you, for your dog, for your kids, between you and your annoying neighbors. An ad on the NY subway sums up: "Raising a baby in an NYC apartment is like growing an oak tree in a thimble." In the city, you live on top of each other. Your kids and your dog barely know what grass is. In the country, you have something called a yard. You run around, kick a football and chase fireflies. You go sledding and build snowmen on fresh snow that hasn't been trodden by hundreds of others. You can actually identify constellations because you see lots of them each night. You are fascinated by a lot more interesting animals than squirrels, and your dog acts like a dog, you don't have to carry around bags for its poop.

3. There are no billionaires. And frankly, few millionaires. To put it another way, there's a lot less income inequality. Since the cost of living is much lower, even those on the median family income (about $50,000 in the US) can have a decent life. You don't feel poor as you do in big cities where even those earning six-figures still believe they're "just getting by". In the country, you aren't constantly aware of your socioeconomic status. You worry a lot more about the weather.

4. You aren't reliant on public transit. You don't have to push your way onto an overcrowded subway car only to find yourself squashed next to someone who smells or elbows you. You aren't late because there's been a delay and some robot-like voice has to tell you about it over and over on the speaker. You can drive yourself where you want, when you want. Even if there's traffic (and there isn't much outside of cities), you can usually find another way to go. You are in control, and there's plenty of (free) parking.

5. You don't get suspicious when people are nice to you. People say hello and "how are you" and generally mean it. You go to the grocery store and have a decent chance of seeing at least someone you know. Your doctor actually calls you back the same day you call with a concern. People don't size you up constantly based upon your job, social status or income. Volunteer work isn't something you do for your resume. You feel a part of a genuine community, not just one peon out of millions.

The case for living in the city

The countryside? It must be nice if you're retired … or dead. If you want to have a semblance of a social life and like to do wild things like, oh, going to the cinema on a Monday night, the city is for you.

1. Walking. It's a thing. Forget about having to spend a quarter of your paycheck on a car. Forget about feeding your second-hand beater gallons of earth-destroying gas on a weekly basis. And (unless you live in LA) forget about spending two hours a day stuck in traffic. Living in the city means that walking is often an option. And if it's not, commuting by public transport makes you feel like you're part of the world: you and others are on the same boat, so to speak, taking time to pause and read, or listen to music, before reaching work or going home. And, from London to Paris, Amsterdam to Vancouver, chances are you will be also be lucky enough to be able to bike everywhere – making you both fitter and happier.

2. You will never be the underdog. As Daria would tell you, it sucks to be the odd one out. If you're a goth, head to London's Camden Town, which will love to have you. You like playing in all-female netball teams? You'll find a club. Love mushroom-hunting? Start your own group. In Sydney, where I live, my local park alone is the home to joggers, skateboarders, tai chi lovers and tight-rope walkers. There's something for everyone. And kiss bigotry goodbye, too: if you're gay, you will easily find both a welcoming environment. And better dating prospects.


3. The entire world is (almost) on your doorstep. I don't know about you, but it would be a shame to die on the way to the hospital – or give birth on the side of a road. Which probably won't happen in the city. You can order anything from online stores and – miracle! – receive it the next day. Museums, galleries, libraries are easily accessible, a lot of them free. And food: enough said. Who likes to have the choice only between a grim pub serving dismal burgers or fish-and-chips and the local Subway branch at the back of a derelict mall? Not me.

4. It teaches you tolerance. The world is a diverse place – and in the city, you learn that fast. There's a reason New Yorkers are considered to be the most thick-skinned people on earth: nothing fazes them, because no one has time to be fazed and they've seen it all anyway. Someone is rude to on the subway? Move along. Someone cuts you while queuing in the supermarket? Get ahead and get even. But cities also teach patience and empathy because, after all, you're all in this together. Compromise is in the very fabric of city living. Neighbours complaining about your Saturday party? You have to reach an agreement. People who don't act, think, or speak like you do? Kids who annoy you by listening to rap music in the bus? They share your space, too. And you, theirs. It's an imperfect and fragile microcosm, which, no matter its many drawbacks, seems to work. Almost like magic.

5. The countryside is not like living in Gilmore Girls. If you think the countryside is like living on the idyllic Gilmore Girls' set, you're mistaken. Nor are you likely to live the Good Life, a la Helen and Scott Nearing, who fed themselves thanks to their homestead until they both died. True country-living means backbreaking work, including thankless chores performed before dawn. Here in Sydney, I pop to the corner shop to get eggs at midnight if I want. And if you're not a true back-to-the-lander living on a 120-acre farm in the middle of nowhere, you then have to live in a community where everything you do will be scrutinised. Privacy will be hard to maintain. No such thing will happen in the city, where people couldn't care less whether you like to walk around with your pet snake, like to wear mini-skirts in sub-freezing weather, or sing Bryan Adams' Everything I Do I Do It For You out loud while on your way to buy a baguette. Short of becoming a hermit, if you're a private individual or an introvert, city life is for you.

Phone snubbing!

Scientists: How ‘phubbing’ (or phone snubbing) can kill your romantic relationship

It's the ultimate modern-day snub. When you're at a fancy dinner, and all of a sudden your date responds to a text. When you are having a serious conversation and the love of your life keeps glancing at his smartphone. And don't forget when you're in bed and your partner carefully adjusts his iPhone on the nightstand so that the screen is visible — "just in case."

    In what may be the first formal study of the impact of phone snubbing, or "phubbing," researchers at the Hankamer School of Business of Baylor University surveyed 453 American adults in the United States about the extent to which they or their partner use or are distracted by cellphones while in the company of a romantic partner and how this behavior impacts relationship satisfaction.

    What they found doesn't bode well for the many of us who have our phones practically glued to our bodies.

    Researchers James. A. Roberts and Meredith E. David identified eight types of phone snubbing behavior that have become common in today's world. They are:

• During a typical mealtime that my partner and I spend together, my partner pulls out and checks his/her cellphone.
• My partner places his or her cellphone where they can see it when we are together.
• My partner keeps his or her cellphone in their hand when he or she is with me.
• When my partner's cellphone rings or beeps, he/she pulls it out even if we are in the middle of a conversation.
• My partner glances at his/her cellphone while talking to me.
• During leisure time that my partner and I are able to spend together, my partner uses his/her cellphone.
• My partner uses his or her cellphone when we are out together.
• If there is a lull in our conversation, my partner will check his or her cellphone.

(Any of this sound familiar to you?)

Writing in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, the researchers noted that  "the ubiquitous nature of cell phones makes phubbing… a near inevitable occurrence."

    The researchers found that those whose romantic partners had more "phubbing" behaviors were more likely to experience conflict in the relationship and have lower levels of satisfaction.

    “When you think about the results, they are astounding,” Roberts said. “Something as common as cellphone use can undermine the bedrock of our happiness — our relationships with our romantic partners.”

The researchers explained that "when one partner allows technology to interfere with time spent with their partner, it sends an implicit message of that partner's priorities."

    An even more surprising finding in the study was that the consequences of the behavior can extend beyond the relationship itself — and into a person's greater well-being. Nearly half of the respondents in the survey said they were phubbed by their partner with 22.6 percent saying it causes conflict and 36.6 percent reporting they felt depressed at least some of the time.

    “What we discovered was that when someone perceived that their partner phubbed them, this created conflict and led to lower levels of reported relationship satisfaction,” Roberts said. “These lower levels of relationship satisfaction, in turn, led to lower levels of life satisfaction and, ultimately, higher levels of depression.”